Farewell.

Something has changed deep within me. I cannot explain it. The last semblance of being able to change my fate has finally been swept away.

I can't explain the feeling inside me, except to say that I need to take what's been coming for me my entire life.

I've seen the light, and I'm joining the Children of the Cold. I'm escaping this world. Not through death, but by the frigid hand of the Frozen Prince. He will let me escape the hell he's made. Mine will be a painful life, but a new one. One full of opportunity, one unburdened by emotion good or ill.

And when the time comes, mine will be a good death.

The Children of the Cold.

That's the name of the group who want me to join them, right? They say they serve the Frozen Prince personally.

Are they really that desperate? I mean, what the hell could some depressive twentysomething atheist do for these whackjob religious groups? Do they just need cannon fodder that badly?

Maybe they need people to be depressed. Maybe they need someone with nothing better to do. I don't fucking know.

...I'm desperate too, though.

Oh, shit.

There's something outside.

It's a wolf.

I'm gonna just... stay inside, I think.

I spend most of my time doing that anyways. I mean, there's only so much protection from the cold you can get on a budget like mine.

Plus, I just don't like being near people. I'm always worried they're going to get hurt, and I won't be able to help them, or worse, that I won't want to help them. That thought scares me more than anything.

Not sure how I got here from "oh, fuck, there's a wolf outside my house," but there you have it.

Well, well, well.

A pair of men in suits knocked on my door today. They asked if I was religious. I said no. Then I shut the door in their face. I'm not interested in proselytizers.

But, hey, it looks like they left me something on my doorstep. A brochure for the Children of the Cold. Like spirituality is something you can sell. (Not that I spend much time on it myself.)

I must say, though, this entire scenario feels eerily familiar. I guess no regime is any different from the last, eh?

But man, these Children of the Cold guys are tenacious. First the letter, then the doorstep proselytizers. I don't see why they feel the need to get any more members. Probably for sacrifices or something. I don't fucking know.

I feel like shit.

I watched a man die of frostbite and I did nothing.

Am I a monster?

Does it even matter if I am? I mean... I don't have the energy to do anything, good or bad. I'm frozen solid.

And there are so many tragedies happening all the time that it probably doesn't matter. No one person can do anything, and we're all so isolated from one another that we couldn't help each other if we tried.

God, that was a lot of angst. Sorry about that.

Great.

Ever since the long winter, my depression has gotten worse and worse. I guess that makes sense. A guy whose world is collapsing around him and who was already struggling with mental health issues has... worsening mental health. And I'm getting poorer and poorer as things drag on, so I'm getting further and further from ever seeing a therapist.

At least I don't have the energy to do anything stupid, or hurt myself, or anything like that. I don't know if that's a good thing, but it's something, which is a change of pace from the rest of my goddamn life.

Ugh.

I have a splitting headache. No Aspirin or anything, and I can't exactly go to the store right now- there's a snowstorm even worse than usual out there.

Fuck. Gonna have to wait this one out.